I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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