Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
