i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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