literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
