You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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