update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Green mimosas i think yes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
