Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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