Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
