if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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