I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
