you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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