FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
