My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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