i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
