i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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