I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
