On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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