Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
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You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
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This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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