How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
