I feel great
I just peed on a car
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
