Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
