OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
