hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
