Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
