Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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