he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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