Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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