I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
