I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
