Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
