I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
