Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize