Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
please don't ironically join a cult
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