I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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