history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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