worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
