I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
