I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
