This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
