I feel like abortions should bother me more
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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