You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
PANTIES FOUND
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
