Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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