Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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