He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
