Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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