you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
