I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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