You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
