Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
