chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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