I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize