Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
