Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
