i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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