I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
