shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
