but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
