I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
