Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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