Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
