idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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