ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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