were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
