She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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