These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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