My room smells like vodka and shame
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
