I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize