You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
