I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
