quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
