i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
