he thought i was a dude.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
